96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
