My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
