I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
