Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
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I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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