you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
wow bdsm is so cute
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
