Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
