I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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