She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I need a burrito and a hug.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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