Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
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He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
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I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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