Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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