What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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