K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
