I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
