I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
