I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize