no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
