he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
