I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
