I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
