where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
