I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
