I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
