the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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