i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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