come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
