Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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