you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
