kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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