Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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