Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
