Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think my nap took me to another dimension
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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