if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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