Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
