Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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