I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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