I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
