Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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