Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
