After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
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Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
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I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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