Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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