I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
