So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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