1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
