you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
