worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
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I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
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Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?