barbara walters just said penis...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
