i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
