my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
