I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
