She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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