Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I want a musical about memes.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
