According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
