Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
