She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
