There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
