i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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