Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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