I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
