Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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